So the beginning of 2014 has been a little rough. As I mentioned in a previous post I was trying to gain weight, but the whole experiment went off the rails. I simple cannot eat that much food; I can’t go to the bathroom six times a day and I can’t eat that much greasy, unhealthy food. Two or three days after I stopped the high calorie diet, something happened inside my stomach. I woke up in the middle of the night Monday night and my stomach felt like it was being torn apart. My back right side hurt, all the way around to the front. I was in so much pain that I woke up my wife and asked her to call an ambulance. I’ve never needed an ambulance before in my life. I’ve been beaten up, hit by cars, etc, and never needed an ambulance but I just could not figure out what had happened, I thought perhaps my appendix had burst or my kidneys were broken. I get to the hospital and they manage to get me in pretty quick and with a nice dose of morphine I was able to relax and rest for a bit, but the pain came back just in time for the CT Scan. So I had to hold still even though I felt like I was being ripped open while they beamed me with enough radiation for a hundred x-rays in the search for kidney stones. Guess what? No stones. So they sent me home.

Two days of gruelling pain followed. Sometimes I’d get as much as eight hours without pain but it kept coming back. But finally on Wednesday night I started feeling better. Thinking I had a rupture or something I wasn’t eating so I finally had a nice bacon sandwich. Right before I went to sleep, as we were watching a movie I went to take a leak and I ended up urinating out about a cup of blood.

I was peeing constantly but with no burning or pain, just a constant pressure on my bladder and I could not seem to go “the other”, even though I felt bloated I could not seem to go. I’d taken a suppository in desperation. Obviously that was a step I didn’t need to take, because I was back off to the hospital the following morning with more blood in my urine. This time I took a cab and I had to lay on the floor of the emergency room until they let me in (don’t worry I had a chair as a pillow).

Once again, more morphine which was great and then more tests, this time ultrasound and blood/urine tests. Guess what? Everything was okay. But the minute they told me it was a virus, that all my parts were in place and there was nothing foreign in there causing a blockage or anything then there was no longer any reason for me to be at the hospital. It’s been always a week and there has been no pain; I’ve been taking antibiotics just to be safe.

Still, you have to wonder how many other people are walking around with illnesses that the doctors simply can’t describe or treat? How many mystery viruses are floating  around out there, nameless and waiting for their moment? For the record, this is the second one I’ve had. The other one felt like a fever with no mucus and caused insomnia and nightmares when I did fall asleep. That one was not fun either.

So obviously my Get Fat Diet didn’t work. . . but my theory on how I got sick?

The cat tried to eat my son’s fish, knocking the tank on the floor and killing the fish. I had to clean up the mess and possibly got something that took a while to manifest in my abdomen. I figure its a better guess than the hospital, who thought perhaps I’d been having sex with strange men. Yes, they asked me that.