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I’ve been listening to the self-help tapes of Steve Chandler. As I mentioned yesterday, when you have the work ethic, the imagination and the dedication to achieve your goals, yet you still don’t reach them, then you have to ask yourself what else can I do?

My steps toward changing my circumstances in life began with quitting comics and focusing on writing. I didn’t think it would start a whole process of change but I’ve been the caterpillar long enough.

I could easily just blame the world, accept defeat or continue to push ahead without stopping to think about it, right off a cliff. It’s easier enough to say the whole world is mad hatters, unable to appreciate my work. But if the problem isn’t the world than the problem must be me.

It all really comes down to negative thinking. I’ve always been a pessimist. I created a personality that allowed me to see the outcomes of situations before they happen. I’m damn good at it too. But why use the energy of my brain for such things? As Steve Chandler said in his 100 Ways to Self Motivate, losers picture worst case scenarios, whereas winners imagine the spoils of success. The more I’ve analyzed my personality and behavior the more I realize I’ve developed one incredibly bad habit that has held me back like a ball and chain.

I am afraid to be optimistic and happy. I am afraid that the minute I let the shields down I’ll be destroyed by the menacing universe. For reason I have a deeply ingrained belief that those who are cheerful and positive are the first ones to die.